Heart, Body, and Soul
by descentofthedoppelganger
Summary: Series of oneshots. Not related or anything. Buffy/Spike. Reviews are appreciated.
1. Take me

_So this is just a quick little one shot- their might be a follow up to this just to show his emotions when he gets his soul and stuff. But maybe not. Please review. I know its short and I might toy with it later but It just came to me and I figured, why not? So hope you like._

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. All Joss's. **

Take me

The quiet night surrounded her as she made her way across the cemetery. Pain twisted in her heart. She wanted desperately to get rid of it. She couldn't accept how selfish her friends had been to bring her back. How thoughtless they'd been. She had done her part. Death was her gift. She was finished. She had found peace, but now she was here again enduring this hell. Because her own friends tore her out of heaven. Yet she still felt the need to shelter them, to keep them from knowing. She loved them and she didn't want them in pain, even though she was.

Everything was heightened since she'd returned, her sight, her sense. After being away for so long it all seemed so overwhelming and she was more alert then she'd ever been. Her eyes darted quickly from stone to stone, searching for his figure against the silver moonlight. His lean and graceful silhouette moving with the darkness. She listened for the faintest sign of his approach, a whisper against the wind, rough leather trailing against the cool grass beneath her, the smallest snap of a twig not more then a few feet away. She turned slowly to see his cerulean eyes piercing hers.

"Why out so late, pet? Still patrolling? Is everything alrigh'?" he asked looking towards the direction of the coming sun, a look of concern etched on his face.

"I- I. No. Just out for some air." she replied quietly. "Spike? You said you love me-"

His head tilted in curiosity. Yes he loved her, more then she'd ever know. It burned him inside and out just to be near her. All he wanted was to pull her close and hold her in his arms. Keep her there. Have her be his. But as far as he knew she didn't believe he could love, maybe he'd give her a chance to prove it.

"So I was wondering if you'd do something for me."

"Anything." he replied quickly, intent on conveying his message. Trying somehow to prove to her how he feels. To show her the love searing inside him. He would walk through hell and back for her, fight by her side, do anything she wanted, be anything she needed.

"Let's have our dance." she told him, gazing into his eyes. His eye brow flew up in surprise as he took a few steps back.

"Please." she pleaded, as she moved her hair to expose her neck, closing the distance between them. "Drink me."

"No." he said firmly, pushing her away gently. She was asking for death. He could never-. No. He would not take her.

"You promised. You said we'd have our dance." she replied. Desperately grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him towards her.

Her breath fanned across his face and he traced his fingers across her jaw line. Leaving a trail of fire behind.

"No." he said again, his blue eyes hardening with determination.

"Why?" she asked breathless. "Why won't you kill me? Just do it. Then you'll be back on top, William the Bloody. Taking his third slayer. No one would mock you after they heard what you'd done."

He pulled away from her disgust in his eyes. She wanted him to take her. But he couldn't. Never. She meant too much to him.

"Please." she begged, grabbing the lapels of his coat. "Finish me. Anything to stop this." Tears welled in her eyes as she fell to her knees.

He wrapped his arms around her small frame and she cried on his shoulder.

"I can't take this. It's too much. All the pain. And the sadness. Just take it away." she kept begging. And it broke his non existent heart to watch her endure even more pain then she had already. But she needed to live. She _had_ to live.

"I can't do that, love." he told her softly. "I could never do that."

Her cries subsided as she and Spike leaned against the oak tree she had once shared with Angel. The circumstances so different from before. She gazed into Spikes eyes and shecan almost see the man he's been hiding away under the demon. She can see the faint traces of what's left of William and she captured his lips with a kiss. Eager to feel something other then this constant sorrow.

He kissed back gently, knowing this is all her comfort, nothing more. There's a slight ache in the empty cavity of his chest. If only it could be more.


	2. Cool Comfort

_Just a one shot I guess. Nothing too special. Just came to me. Hope you like it. Remember reviews are appreciated (: Enjoy._

**Disclaimer: I in no way own Buffy the Vampire slayer, nor angel or any of the characters from the shows. All belongs to Joss.**

Cool Comfort

"You couldn't kill her before you got the chip. What makes you think you can now. You've had plenty of chances…" Harmony's voice drifted through the grave yard as Spike stormed away. Her words stirring up old memories of the past. Things he'd tried to forget.

_"Why can't you kill her? Drusilla questioned him. She was trying to make sense of the visions swirling in her mind. They were so fast, everything was such a blur. All she could see was her dark prince masked in that wretched girl. Something was changing._

_"You're the one who keeps bringing her up! I haven't said a word about the bloody Slayer since we left California. She's on the other side of the planet, Dru!" he replied furious. Why couldn't she accept it and move on? He had, or he was trying atleast._

_"But you're lying! I can still see her floating all around you, laughing." she replied angrily. __"Why? Why won't you push her away?" she pleaded._

_"But I did, pet. I did it for you. You keep punishing me. Carrying on with creatures like this." he told her, sadness slithering into his voice. She kept betraying him while she froliced about with repulsive beings, when she could be with him._

_"Okay, you guys obviously have a thing going on here." The chaos demon stated, looking between the two._

_"I have to find my pleasures, Spike. You taste like ashes." Always like ashes. Her prince was different. There was, there is, a change.__He wasn't her sweet William anymore. He was changing. It was close. The stars were whispering dreadful things, telling her prince was not…not hers any longer._

_"And this is my fault now?" Spike asked, turning to the demon._

_How had this happened? How had everything went from bad to worse? He had only gone back to sunny hell to find a cure for his Drusilla. But somehow his grandsire had gotten wrapped up in his schemes and after her recovery he had to make a recovery of his own. So he'd have to sit and watch Angelus take his place while Dru drooled over 'her daddy'. He'd had to get rid of him somehow and teaming up with the slayer had been his only bleedin' chance. It was the slayer. The thorn in his bloody side. She was everywhere he turned. Even continents away, she still haunted him. In his dreams, in Dru's words. It never stopped._

_"I didn't know she was seeing someone. I should take off." the demon replied before blowing a kiss to Dru and leaving._

_"I think you should do that." Spike replied. He had too much to deal with, and this was something he hadn't have the time or the patience for._

_"You can't blame the ghoul, Spike. You're all covered with her. I look at you... all I see is the Slayer."_

_He turned his face from her, trying to control his emotions. He wanted nothing more then to rip the slayers throat out. The pull to her was so strong. He couldn't lose his Dru. She was all he had._

He shook off the aged feelings towards his sire and his temper rose with each stride he took. But he had lost Dru, and now he was here. With her, plaguing his every move, his every thought. It had to end.

Bitch, says she hasn't got a death wish? Not bloody likely. He'll show her who's beneath who, when he propeled the bullets from his gun into anywhere fatal on her small fragile body. Sure it will hurt like a hell for a few bleedin' minutes but it'll be worth it.

He slowed down to a walk as he reached her yard. There she was head in her hands, not even prepared for what was comin'. Big Bad, finally making an appearance. He made himself known and she still wasn't affected in the slightest. He was annoyed, the least she could do was acknowledge his prescence. He cocked his gun to capture her attention so she would see what he had in store for her, without being able to stop it.

But she lifted her eyes to his and all his resolve faded. The tears of this young girl had dissipated all of his fury. It had fallen away. Gone almost as quickly as it came.

"What do you want now?" she asked, her voice rough with emotion. He couldn't help but feel his undead heart break at the sight of her pain. So maybe he'd been the cause of it, but seeing the tears streaming down her face touched him like nothing on this earth.

"What's wrong?" he questioned. He was curious to know what could motivate this girl to cry, because she wasn't like other girls. When the slayer cried it meant something. It wasn't just because she broke a nail or twisted an ankle. Everything in her world was more then that.

"I don't want to talk about it." she said turning away, trying to hide her emotions.

But he was too skilled not to see the feelings she was tring to hide away. He could see what she felt anyway. Her eyes were the window to her emotions and no matter how good her poker face was he saw the truth of it. He saw the fear, the guilt, the anger, and confusion hidden behind her sweet emerald eyes.

"Is there anything I can do?" he pleaded. He would do anything to make her tears disappear and place a smile back on her face. He'd even feel better if he'd been the one to do it. He knew it was wrong to feel this way. He was a vampire and she was a slayer. Had he not just come to kill her? Had he not killed two of her kind already? How was it that a single glance from this beautiful girl could make him weak in the knees and bend to her will?

She didn't answer him and he didn't think it was because she didn't want to but simply because she couldn't. He put his gun down and took a seat next to her. He hadn't comforted anyone in more then a few decades but he did what he could. He patted her back, trying to ease her pain, even if it was just a little. He wished he could take her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. That he was there and he'd never leave but that would probably hurt her more then it would help.

She accepted his cool touch of comfort as she peered out into her yard. She turned her gaze to him in slight awe. She couldn't help but ask herself if the moment was a dream. Could it be? Since when did a vampire console the slayer? Had she missed the memo? It didn't matter, she didn't care. She was glad that he was there.

"Mom's sick." she offered after he'd sat with her awhile. She figured that since he hadn't tried anything yet, she doubted he would. Plus telling him was kind of comforting. It sort of lifted a little weight off her shoulders, having someone else know. Someone who she didn't have to be strong for.

"But…she's going to be okay?" he asked, a little bud of hope bubbling. He had known Joyce since when he'd first met Buffy. Although they may have had a rough start, she had been there for him when he needed someone to talk to. With her there wasn't good and evil, there were just people. She'd offered kind words along with hot cocoa and small marshmellows. She was a nice lady and he'd hadn't even thought of biting her since they'd first met.

"I-I don't know." she replied, shaking her head as tears continued to slid down her cheeks.

She was so mad at herself, she couldn't seem to think straight. She had been so worried about her own mortality that her mother's illness hadn't fazed her. She hadn't realized how fatal this might turn out to be. How could she had been so blind? Was she always this selfish and self-centered? Her mother needed her, Dawn needed her. And she had been out hassling a demon for a demo of kill the slayer. What the hell had she been thinking?

_And what if mom…?_ She couldn't even allow herself to finish the thought. _No. Mom would be okay. Everything would be alright. Right?_

The midnight breeze picked up causing Buffy to shiver. She rubbed her arms and unconsciously leaned into Spike as she tried to get a handle on her grief.

He looked down at her and took the risk. If it helped her, it'd be worth it. If it didn't no harm done. He slowly wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her across the few inches left between them. Her head was rested on his shoulder and her touch felt like home.

And for a moment. That single moment, as she leaned into him she didn't think of Spike as a vampire but as a man.


	3. Can We Rest

I don't know why I wrote this really. It just kind of came to me. I thought this was really a touching moment (even though Spike was partially out of his mind) but it was sweet. I wanted to get into Buffy's head a little and kind of see what she was thinking about through out the scene. So Review please. I would love feedback on this. Thank you for reading.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself his character belongs to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

Can we rest

The moon shown down on Buffy as she made her was towards the small church across the graveyard. She knew he was around here somewhere, she could feel him. Something was wrong with him. He was back and something wasn't right. She needed to know what he was keeping from her. As strange as it may have seemed, she was concerned. She cared about him. She could deny it all she wanted but even after what he did, she was still upset when he left. She had missed him. It was after he'd left she had realized her feelings she had for him. She figured he was like everyone else. Like Angel. Who had loved her and then left her. Although she knew this time she deserved it.

She'd used Spike. She'd accused him of being soulless and unable to love, a monster. But in reality it was her. She was the monster. He had proved his love more then once. Protected Dawn. Fought along side her friends. He'd saved her a million times over- from demons, even herself. She didn't know what would have happened to her if he hadn't stuck by her side. He done everything worthy of her trust, but she just couldn't seem to accept him or his love. And she couldn't seem to control the guilt that assaulted her conscience as she sought the man she couldn't stop herself from seeing. She quickly reigned in her emotions before she reached the small steps leading to the churches entrance.

Her hands fell on the wooden knobs of the church doors and she took a deep breath before throwing them open. Her eyes shifted to the shadows within the church as she cautiously walked in.

"It didn't work." Spike called out from behind her. Startled, Buffy whipped around to find the blonde vampire holding up his shirt.

"What the hell are you-?" Buffy started as she stared at a bare-chested Spike waving around his t-shirt.

"It didn't work. Costume. Didn't help. Couldn't hide." he told her sadly tossing the shirt over her shoulder.

"No more mind games Spike." she told him seriously.

"No more mind games. No more mind." he replied, staring at the ground.

It was worse then she thought. He was a mess. She looked down at his chest and noticed the marks that were showered across his chest.

"Tell me what happened to you." she told him as she reached her fingers across the space between them and brushed the burnt skin softly with her fingertips.

"Hey, hey! No touching! Am I flesh? Am I flesh to you? Feed on flesh. My flesh. Nothing else. Not a spark." he paused and removed his arms from cradling himself as Buffy stared in bewilderment. She didn't understand a word he was saying. "Oh, fine. Flesh, then. Solid through. Get it hard, service the girl." Spike rambled as reached down to unbutton his pants.

"Stop it! You-" Buffy started before moving in to stop him before his hand gripped her throat. She broke away from his grasp and threw him across the room into the church pews. The weight of the impact crushing the wood around him. He propped himself up on his elbow and continued to stare at her.

"Right. Girl doesn't want to be serviced. Because there's no spark. Ain't we in a soddin' engine?" he asked the ceiling.

"Spike, have you completely lost your mind?" her eyes hardening at the sight of him. Whatever he was playing at, she didn't like it.

"Well, yes. Where have you been all night?" he asked sarcastically.

"You thought you could just come back here and be with me?"

"First time for everything." he chuckled.

"This is all you get. I'm listening. Tell me what happened." she demanded.

"I tried to find it, of course."

"Find what?" she questioned. She was getting irritated.

"The spark. The missing… the piece. That fit. That would make me fit. Because you didn't want… god… I can't! Not with you looking." he told her, his voice choked with emotion as he scooted away from her and into the darkness.

"I dreamed of killing you." he told her as his face remained hidden by the shadows. Buffy bent down and picked up a piece of wood from the broken pews in her shaky hand. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to use it even if he did attack, but she doubted he would. But she had to have something.

"I think they were dreams. So weak. Did you make me weak? Thinking of you, holding myself and spilling useless buckets of salt over your… ending. Angel, he should have warned me. He makes a good show of forgetting but it's here in me… all the time. The spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve. And I got it. They put the spark in me… and now all it does is burn." he told her as he made his way around the church and behind her as she soaked in that new knowledge.

He said Angel should have warned him. There's only one thing he could be talking about.

"Your soul." she replied, her voice dripping with emotion. He had his soul back.

"A bit worse for lack of use." he told her chuckling as he closed in on her.

"You got your soul back. How?" Buffy turned around to face him. Everything made sense now. The way Anya reacted back at the bronze. She could see it, his soul. How had he done it?

"It's what you wanted, right?" he questioned. " It's what you wanted, right?" he asked again this time towards the ceiling. Some unknown force. "And now everybody's in here, talking. Everything I did, everyone I… and him… and it… the other. The thing beneath… beneath you. It's here, too. Everybody. They all just tell me go. Go… to hell.."

Her composure slipped and their eyes met. She watched as Spike told her the pain he was enduring, the remorse, the guilt, and most of all the heart ache. Her first instinct was to wrap him up in her arms, to comfort him but she thought better of it. He was in no condition to be touched, he wasn't stable. But she wanted to know, why he had done it. Why he risked everything for his soul, when he could have been happy the way he was.

"Why? Why would you do that?" she asked him. She wanted to understand the mystery that was Spike.

"Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev-To be a kind of man." he looked away from her and to the ground.

It was her. This was her doing. She had done this to him. Of course he had gotten it for her. All he ever did was fr her. And what did she give him in return? Hatred and Venom. Nothing close to what he deserved.

"And she shall look on him with forgiveness and everybody will forgive and love… and he will be loved. So everything's okay, right?" he asked as he turned his back to her and sighed.

A single tear carved a path down her cheek as she watched Spike lay his body over the cross and smoke billowing around him. He had done it for her.

"Can we rest now? Buffy, can we rest?"


	4. The Spark

This isn't anything special really. Just a post gift thing in Spike's point of view. Tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have Spike AND Angel all to myself they belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

_The Spark_

The pain that seemed to radiate from every inch of him is nothing in comparison to the ache in his long absent heart. The knowledge that he failed her. Failed Dawn.

It seemed as though his insides were conspiring against him. They thrashed and writhed at the sight of her, atop the broken rubble and smashed concrete. Buffy should be alive. There, complaining about what a pain in the ass Glory was. How she scuffed up her stylish boots and needed to buy a new pair. She should be there to grab Dawn and go to the bronze to celebrate their victory with the scoobies. But their victory came with a price. One he believes was too much.

He stumbles through each day, his only motivation the promise he made and Dawn. Protecting the scoobies on patrol and helping take down any demons that get past the bot. And thinking back he's disgusted with himself for even trying to make a copy of something so irreplaceable and unique.

He watches Dawn when he's needed while the scoobies have their meetings. He gets treated like an outsider, because that's what he is. He knows.

But no one could have loved her nearly as much as he did. His heart grieved for her every day, every minute, every second. There wasn't one moment when he forgot. There wasn't a single instant he didn't see her wide green eyes, burning with a fire he'd never seen before, or her shampoo commercial hair flowing behind her as she walked or even the force behind her punches.

What he wouldn't give to see her storm into his crypt and give him a punch in the jaw. Even in the nose. Anything to prove she was alive. Living. Breathing. But he knew that would never happen. His slayer was gone. Her light put out by some bitch from hell. But he couldn't fully put the blame on her.

He knew if maybe he could have stopped the doc before he'd cut Dawn, even If he hadn't made it. That Buffy might be standing next to him, a scowl touching her features as she told him he was a pig. It wouldn't matter she would there. Alive. But he knew it wasn't possible.

Until Willow did the spell. He'd been desperate looking for Dawn after she ran off. They'd found the Buffy bot torn apart. A separate limb thrown in every direction. He tried to tell himself it wasn't real but seeing Buffy's face while her body was destroyed still killed him. But he composed himself enough to console Dawn who had run off when he'd turned his back.

Spike had found her at home towing what he thought had been the Buffy bot behind her. How could Willow have fixed her so fast? But as he met her eyes he knew that she was Buffy. The real Buffy. His slayer. She dropped her gaze from his and quickly buttoned up her shirt. Self conscious he imagined.

Her knuckles were laced with blood and deep cuts made from the splintered wood of her coffin. Dawn left to get bandages and he walked her over to the couch where he took her hands lightly in his and took a good look at her. He was in awe. His beautiful slayer was back.

How many times had he wished? How many times had he dreamed she would come back? All false hopes until the hundred and forty-seventh day of her absence. He sat across from her in amazement which quickly turned to concern as his golden beauty stared at him with darkened eyes. Eyes void of the passion and fire that once lied behind them. Eyes that barely held the slightest twinkle that was so small it seemed nonexistent.

Her friends came and he had to escape, let the tears of joy fall freely without the judgment he knew would be placed on him. But days went by and after awhile of watching her interact with her friends, he realized something. That tiny park in her eyes, the twinkle, it was meant for him. Only for him. Not the whelp, or Red. Who he was at odds at for risking Buffy's sanity to solve her own problems. For him. And he was going to do his best to help her through this.

Buffy was back and he was going to make sure she was here to stay.


End file.
